


Earth's Greatest Oddities

by LadiSaiyan



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Awesome Bulma Briefs, F/M, Humor, Shameless Smut, Vegeta (Dragon Ball) vs Feelings, Vegeta being Vegeta (Dragon Ball)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 17:02:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadiSaiyan/pseuds/LadiSaiyan
Summary: Vegeta is, well, Vegeta. We all know this. This is really just a random, smutty piece that I wrote up tonight out of boredom about his battles with earth's differences from what he's used to, and how one night ends a little...different for him.





	Earth's Greatest Oddities

**Author's Note:**

> OK, I will say ahead of time, this is totally just me coming up with something goofy and I hope it's not too awful. It's shameful smutty humor, and I'm not sorry. Vegeta's perspective. Let me know what you think. It's my second smut writing, and I'm still not entirely confident with it, so feedback is helpful. Just be nice. LOL. 
> 
> Not beta'd so please forgive any errors. I should be sleeping but I wrote this instead. 😂

Vegeta had been on this backwater mud ball planet they call Earth for about a year and a half now, and he still didn't understand a damned thing about it. Between his intense training, eating and sleeping, he rarely had time for anything else, but in the off chance he found himself around any of the humans, kami forbid, or he just happened to be wandering the Capsule Corp grounds…he would no doubt find something that confused him, or piqued his interest in some way or another. He had questions. Oh, so many questions. But there was no way he was going to ask them. Because, who was he kidding? Who was there to ask besides one of the three members of the Briefs family…and not a single one of them had a normal bone in their body. 

For starters, there were the "television" shows, the moving pictures that played on thin rectangle shaped units. They reminded him of the holograms that he was used to from the ships in the Frieza Force and Planet Cold, but he had yet to experience anything quite like it in all his years of travel. And trust him, he'd seen plenty of weird things over the years. But oh, the nonsense this television spewed. And why? Why the fascination in watching other people cook things, or buy things? Or kami forbid the shows the blue haired woman called comedy, it was supposed to be funny, but it was far from it. Who wants to watch grown women beat each other up over a dress? OK, OK, maybe Vegeta did, but he wouldn't let on that he thought it was oddly attractive in a weird way that women would vy for a material object in such a manner. Oddly Saiyan, he thought. But no matter, overall this television was utter nonsense. 

Oh, and the music! The music. He couldn't even count how many times he'd emerged from the gravity room and come up to his bedroom, in hopes of some peace and quiet, only to find that a loud, obnoxious beat was pumping from beneath the doors of the woman's room next door to his own. Some human female was often screeching along to whatever beat, with words he could barely understand, or care to understand. Occasionally it was some raucous males singing, and there were countless occasions where he would catch the woman singing along as well. The Saiyan prince would just do his best to drown out her caterwauling by turning on the bathroom vent and getting into the shower. And then there were the times he'd have to go find her in her labs to demand that she fix some broken component of his training regiment, only to be directly exposed to her thumping beats. In which case, he would quickly demand that she turn it off, to which she would roll her eyes and tell him to get over it. He had tried to explain to her that this earth nonsense wasn't music, but she wouldn't have any of it. Back on Vegetasei, music was drum line and low vocals, warrior music. Sounds that resonated within, not sounds that made you want to claw your ears out until they bled. 

Tonight wasn't much different. Vegeta had emerged from the gravity room, and had put down a quick meal of leftovers in the kitchen before retiring to his room. He knew before he even got to his door that it would be another loud night, the woman had some music she called "electronic dance" blaring from her room, and as he entered his room, he could see the lampshade on his nightstand rattling as the deep tones in the music hit on each low note. He sighed, and kicked off his boots into his closet with a thud. 

The music was still going after he had showered and changed into a clean pair of shorts and a tank. The Prince growled in irritation, and decided that maybe it would be best if he went downstairs to find some peace and quiet sitting on one of the couches in the large living area. He rose, and made his way down, turning on a light and sitting on a large couch with an ottoman, throwing his feet up and putting his hands behind his head with a sigh. 

Vegeta wasn't much of a reader, but he noticed a stack of magazines on the coffee table next to the couch. He reached over, grabbed the stack, and began flipping through them. When it came to reading earth languages, he was not very efficient, and so he just merely looked over the photos. The first magazine was about automobiles and hovercars. He wasn't interested in that, so he tossed the magazine back onto the table. The second was a sports magazine, and he lingered a little longer on that when he realized there was a small martial arts section. Eventually he had finished flipping through that one, and tossed it back onto the coffee table as well. 

The Saiyan Prince continued his endeavor of flipping through random magazines, his utter lack of enthusiasm and interest spread all over his face, should anyone have walked into the room, they'd have seen it written all over him. Finally, he reached the bottom of the stack. For a moment, his eyes bugged out of his head. 

The last magazine featured an entirely naked human female on the cover, biting her lip, her long blonde hair cascading down her shoulders over her ample breasts, and one of her hands was buried in her blonde locks, the other covering her womanhood below. Across the top of the magazine, in large text, were three letters, "XXX". Scrawled at the bottom of the magazine, in pen, was the name "Yamcha", in poor penmanship. Sure, Vegeta may not be able to read very well, but he did know his letters, and he could at least read the names of those he knew. He had to suppress a snort of derision. The woman and Yamcha had been separated for about 6 months, and clearly when he had come to pick up his belongings, he missed a few things. 

This was another one of Earth's strange things that he was certain he'd never understand. Vegeta had already had the unfortunate misfortune of running across some rather vulgar shows in the wee hours of the morning on some pay per view channel that the woman had told him was off limits (curiosity had gotten to him and he selected it anyway, even though it had landed him an earful when the bill came, which he proceeded to argue, since why did she care when she was the richest woman on the planet?), and had turned it off after one strange movie that he'd wished he'd never seen. Now, here he was, once again, in the wee hours of the morning, holding a magazine with a naked woman on the cover. He found himself wondering what it was about humans that made them such vulgar, sexual creatures. 

The Saiyan Prince had never really had much experience with sex, or really any sort of lewd behaviors. In the years he spent with Nappa and Raditz, the two of them were more likely to disappear on backwater planets to spend their credits on a night with a woman, than he was to ever even consider it. They had, though, when he was 16, bought him a night with a woman, and that had been his only experience with sexual behaviors, and it had been quite possibly the most embarrassing experience of his life. Just remembering that night made him cringe. She was a beautiful female Arcosian, that wasn't the problem. He just wasn't interested. She had tried and tried to get him aroused, and she had eventually succeeded in getting him hard enough to penetrate her, but it wasn't enough for either to reach any sort of satisfactory orgasm. By morning, she was disappointed and he was thoroughly frustrated and angry. Angry at Nappa and Raditz for putting him in that position, and frustrated that she was mad at him for not being able to get her off. 

And here he was, on another backwater planet, years later, with a silly magazine in his hands. He was about to toss it back, but something in his mind stopped him. His curiosity quipped him to open past the cover, and he did. More vulgar photos flooded his vision, as he slowly flipped through the magazine. 

What he hadn't noticed, as he had become engrossed in the magazine, was that the music from upstairs had stopped. Bulma had made her way downstairs to get a drink, and she had noticed the light on in the living area. She knew her parents wouldn't be up this late, so she decided to check and see what was going on. She leaned up against the doorway, and cleared her throat. 

Vegeta about jumped out of his skin. It was rare he let his guard down, and he immediately berated himself for allowing himself to get so comfortable. He turned to look at her, and gave her a hard glare. 

"What do you want, woman?" 

"I realized when I came down for a drink that someone was still awake, and considering my parents never stay up this late, I figured it had to be you. I wasn't expecting to find you here, let alone reading something." Her hair was pinned up on the top of her head, part of it cascading down, framing her face. It was a recent change from her normal poofy style. She was wearing a long t-shirt, that reached almost to her knees. He wondered whether or not she was wearing anything beneath the tshirt, but quickly shoved that thought from his mind. 

"Tch. I couldn't sleep with you blaring that racket from your room. I'm amazed your parents even could sleep with that crap playing." 

"Their room is sound proof. Be glad. Even though they're old, they still go at it like rabbits sometimes. At least they finally stopped doing it in the gardens. That got to be a little much." Bulma cringed, and scratched at her head in embarrassment. 

Vegeta's face paled. "You humans truly are a disgustingly vulgar bunch." He took that moment to cautiously try and set the magazine down on top of the pile without being noticed. 

Bulma wandered into the room further, and much to his chagrin, his attempt to set the magazine down did not go unnoticed. "What were you reading?" She reached over to pick it up, but as she did, she squealed. "Oh, no, you've got to be kidding me! Ve-geeee-ta!" She looked over at him with a pointed look and a smirk. 

"Excuse me woman, I just happened to pick that up as you walked in. Take a closer look on the cover," he growled, shooting an icy look her direction. 

He felt trapped, and uncomfortable. Heat was rising to his cheeks, and the magazine had provoked unbidden feelings in his body that he'd never experienced before. He not only felt the heat on his cheeks, but he felt heat running to his manhood, as if it were betraying his thoughts. The sight of the woman, in just a tshirt, had not helped his situation. Ever since he'd come to earth, he'd fought a strange attraction to this female, one which he couldn't explain and he had done everything to fight. There had been many a night where she'd visited him in his dreams, much to his frustrations. He found his mind wandering to visions and thoughts of her while training. Even during his downtime, he would find his thoughts turning to the blue haired beauty. Vegeta had to keep reminding himself that he was only trying to obtain the legendary transformation and defeat Kakarot. He could afford no distractions. 

But, here he was, cornered. 

Bulma picked up the magazine, and looked at the writing in the bottom corner. She gasped, and threw it down angrily. "That bastard! He told me he had gotten rid of all of his magazines. And somehow one ended up in my HOUSE?!" She seethed, fists clenched. 

"I will end him for you."

"As much as I would love for you to do that right now, no, Vegeta."

"Why not?" 

"Because I do not condone you killing people, even if he is infuriating."

"Tch. I will. Just say the words."

Bulma sighed, and plopped down next to Vegeta on the couch. 

"Men are jerks." 

"And you females are crazy." 

"Oh, you don't even know the half of it." Bulma let out another sigh, and leaned her head onto Vegeta's shoulder. He stiffened. This was the closest contact they'd ever had besides her patching him up from random training injuries. 

They sat there on the couch in silence for a few moments, Vegeta tense as a brick wall. All of a sudden, Bulma turned and looked at him. 

"Hey, Vegeta, have you ever been fucked?" 

His eyes grew wide, even wider than they had when he'd first seen the magazine. "Excuse me?" 

"You heard me, didn't you? Or do you not know what that means?" She replied in a low voice, twisting a curl of hair around her finger. 

"Yes, I know what it means. I'm just surprised at your vulgarity, woman. Each day you humans shock me more and more with your vulgar minds." He growled, remaining ridgid next to her. His heart had picked up the pace, and he could feel his blood shooting through his body rapidly, pooling in places that it shouldn't be. No, no no. 

Bulma giggled, and the hand that had been playing with her hair ended up on his arm, alternating spinning small circles and tracing the scars on his skin. It gave him shivers down his spine. "Well, are you going to answer my question or are you just going to jump around it?" 

"Tch. Technically, yes. But I don't want to talk about it. And don't push for more information either, woman, because you won't get it." His tone was firm enough to tell her he was serious. 

She giggled again. 

"And why do you want to know?" He shuddered again under her light touches on his arm. 

"Oh, I'm just curious." 

A few moments of silence fell over them again, and her hand wandered down to his shorts. 

"What….what are you doing?" he sputtered out, as she slipped her hand beneath the elastic of his gym shorts. 

"Can I try something?" She asked, looking up at his steely grey eyes. 

"Yes…" he replied, breathily, despite an air of nervousness still lurking in the back of his mind. His pulse had quickened again, and as he looked into her blue eyes, there wasn't enough strength in his mind to deny her in that moment. He wanted her. He couldn't kid himself anymore, and he would get what he wanted. 

Vegeta closed the distance between her lips and his own, kissing her tentatively, tasting her and feeling the softness of her lips. She sighed into him, and he felt her reach further into his shorts, until she found his hard member. She gave it a gentle tug, and he shuddered beneath her hand. 

The strong Saiyan prince melted into her touch, as she pumped him up and down in her hand, working his rapidly hardening length. He moved his hips toward her, leaning back into the couch more, and eased out of his shorts, allowing himself to spring free. Bulma moved down onto the floor in front of him, and as she worked his length with her hand, she leaned up and took him into her mouth, licking the tip and then taking him further in, in motion up and down with her hand. She stopped briefly, removed her hand, and then ran her tongue all the way up his shaft, ending with licking the very tip, then taking it back into her mouth and sucking lightly. He gasped in surprise, and gripped at her shoulder. She looked up at him with a wicked smile. A moment later, she was back at it, alternating licking up the shaft and pumping her hand up and down. She could feel his body tensing up, and she slowed. 

"Woman, get over here and lie down." 

She looked up at him in surprise, but quickly scrambled up onto the couch and did as he had demanded. He leaned over her, and pushed up her shirt, revealing that, indeed, she was not wearing anything beneath the shirt. No underwear, no bra, no nothing. She lifted it the rest of the way, up and over her head, and tossed it down. 

"Well, aren't you demanding." Bulma said, as she grinned up at him. "I am not sure I would have expected this from you." 

"Tch. Just be quiet, woman, and let me touch you." 

Vegeta took one of her full breasts into his hand and squeezed gently, then released, and took her nipple in between his fingers, stimulating it. For a moment, he was grateful that he had watched that weird vulgar pay per view movie that one night, since it gave him a little insight as for what to do and where to touch. He did the same with the other breast in his hand, and then took the other nipple into his mouth. Bulma moaned and bucked her hips up toward the prince. The motion did not go unnoticed, and he released her breast from his hand, and reached down between her legs. She was wet, and he dipped his finger into her feminine folds. He was inexperienced at this, but kami dammit, he would figure it out. It couldn't be too hard to please her, could it? He didn't want this to turn out like his only other experience. He rubbed gently, and found a small nub that elicited a loud moan from her. Vegeta leaned down and kissed her, as he rubbed. 

"Do you like that, woman?" 

She let out a ragged breath. "Yes, oh yes."

He wasn't sure how much experience she'd had in this area, but it seemed like she was enjoying herself. His own arousal was throbbing as it pressed into her hip, and she bucked and grinded against it as he continued to delve into her slick juices. 

Vegeta nipped at her lip, and she reached up and pulled him into a full kiss, tangling her tongue with his, as he brought her closer to climax. She rocked her hips into him, and moaned into the kiss. 

"Vegeta, I want you to fuck me now. I need you." She murmured into his ear, sending a tingle straight down his spine. 

He didn't say anything, but he moved to position himself at her entrance, and then looked up at her. 

"Just go slow so I can adjust to your size, OK?" 

He grunted, and then leaned forward, putting a hand right above her shoulder, and using the other to help guide himself inside. She brought a hand down as well, and took over, and he put both hands up above, and found himself looking down at her, as she guided him in. He slowly sunk deeper and deeper inside her soaked heat, and the warmth and tightness enveloped him. She moaned as he finally sunk all the way in, his body flush with hers. He held himself just a tiny bit above her, so that his weight wasn't on her, but her firm breasts pressed against his body and she arched her hips up into his own. Slowly, he began moving in and out, setting a pace. He sat up slightly, and she grabbed his hips, rocking them with her own. Neither of them would last much longer. He had never cum before, and it had been far too long for Bulma. He grunted, as he increased his pace and she rocked her hips to match him. 

"Fuck, Bulma." 

She looked up at him as he said her name. She was so close. He made eye contact with her, and with another hard thrust, he felt his orgasm well up within him, and he spilled his seed inside her, one hand supporting his body and the other pulling her hips up toward him. With that deep thrust, she climaxed, throwing her head back and moaning his name. 

"Vegeta…."

They laid there, their breathing coming out in rapid pants for a moment before evening out. He stared down at her for a moment, and started to get up. 

"Vegeta, no, don't go yet. Please. Or, at least, will you stay with me in my room tonight? I don't know how it works with you Saiyans, if you just have sex and then take off, but here on earth, it's nice if you stick around." 

"Tch. Don't you think you've already roped me into enough, woman?" 

"Hey, are you saying that wasn't any good? You got off, didn't you?" 

"I never said it wasn't good. I just need sleep. Now shut up, woman."

"Does that mean you're coming to bed with me?" 

"If it gets you to leave me alone and be quiet, then fine." He climbed off the couch, and pulled his shorts on. 

Bulma followed suit, and put her oversized tshirt back on. "Alright, it's late, let's go." She guided him back up to her room, and despite his inner battle, he followed. 

After stepping through the mess that she called her room, they laid down in her bed, he on his back, and she put an arm across him and rested her head on his chest. "Goodnight, Vegeta."

"Goodnight, woman." 

To the Prince's surprise, she fell asleep within minutes. It wasn't so easy for him. He found himself wondering how he'd gotten himself in this situation. He'd merely been curious about magazines, and here he was, in the woman's bed after having sex with her. He'd tried so hard to fight his attraction to her, and tonight, he'd failed. But, he wasn't sure that it was so bad, after all. 

All the weird nuances of this planet drove him insane. The TV shows and music he wasn't sure he could deal with, but the weird, vulgar, sexual human habits of this particular female? Maybe. 


End file.
